Sick
by imdeadsothere
Summary: As a general rule, hospital suck. Even wizard hospitals. Fortunately for Harry he's got some crazy roommates to brighten up the fluorescent day. ONE-SHOT.


Harry groaned and rolled over. His memory was slightly hazy and he currently had no idea as to where he was.

"Ohmigawd! Signs of life! Signs of life!" the cheering made Harry open his eyes, then clasp them shut again because of the light.

"Oh shut up will you?" A different, more familiar male voice said.

"I'd rather not thank you," a female voice said.

"Did you really see signs of life?" this voice was really familiar, it was a girls voice too, but Harry couldn't place it.

"Yeah, and about time too, geeze, I was about ready to claim life insurance on him then declare him dead,"

Harry tried to open his eyes again, curious to find the source of the voices. The did it slower this time, and got used to the light, finally being able to open his eyes completely.

"See, I told you I saw signs of life, his eyes are open,"

"Harry!" one of the voices shrieked, Harry turned his head to see a happy Hermione bouncing up and down in a hospital bed next to his.

"Where the hell am I?" Harry groaned, trying to move himself to a more comfortable position.

"Hello and welcome to Heaven, my name is Sally and I will be your tour guide for this evening," Harry turned his head the other way to see a blonde girl he had never seen before grinning broadly.

"With you around it's more like hell," Hermione snapped.

"Whatever, I'm still your tour guide for this evening,"

"Who's the boss? I want to request a different tour guide,"

"The boss? Oh, that would be me,"

"Got any different tour guides,"

"Sorry, I'm the only one,"

"Well that sucks,"

"Hey, Herm, why don't you wake up the others to say hi to Harry,"

"I woke them up last time, now it's your turn,"

"Fine then, where's the shoe?"

"You've got it,"

"I do not,"

"The healer hid it," the male voice from earlier spoke up. Harry looked over to see none other than Draco Malfoy.

"Why'd she do that?"

"Oh, I dunno, maybe because you kept on throwing it at the wall and woke up the rest of the floor,"

"I'm just the friendly neighborhood alarm clock,"

"Well apperently some people complained,"

"Geeze, whiners, I think they should stop giving those people medicine, no medicine for whiners,"

"Yes medicine for whiners, because whiners are the one's who keep people like you from throwing things like shoes at the walls,"

"What's wrong with that?"

"You're weird,"

"I am, I guess I'll have to find a replacement for that shoe then, hey look, glass of water," Sally grabbed the glass of water from her bedside table and threw it at the wall. It broke through the wall before crashing on the floor of the hallway outside and shattering.

Instantly noise erupted. Healers came rushing from all over and you could hear the complaints of the people in other rooms.

"Sally Perkins!" Harry heard one of the healers say.

"That would be me!" Sally said cheerfully.

A healer came storming into the room.

"What the hell did you do that for young lady!" the woman raged.

"I wanted to get your attention to tell you that Harry's up,"

"Harry's up?" the woman turned to look at Harry, who gave her a weak smile. The woman let out a small squeak before instantly rushing around the room, getting water, medicine, more pillows, pretty much everything to make sure Harry was good and comfortable. Once the lady was satisfied that Harry was comfortable she turned back to Sally.

"As for you little missy..."

"What about me? Is my hair messed up or something?"

"You little missy need to behave,"

"I do behave, I follow all the rules perfectly,"

"And which rules would those be?"

"The rules I made up a few seconds ago,"

"Those aren't the rules you should be following,"

"Well they're the one's I'm going to follow, so sue me,"

"I will,"

"Good,"

"Hmph," the woman stomped off.

"That woman is _so_ moody," Sally complained, "It's probably her time of the month,"

"She was perfectly cheery till you came along," Draco pointed out.

"I don't see why she shouldn't still be cheery, I am perfect after all,"

"Perfect is the last word I'd use to describe you,"

"Well it's the first one I'd use,"

"Hermione?" Harry said.

"Yes?" Hermione asked.

"Um, exactly what's happened? The last thing I remember was being dragged to the Malfoy manor,"

"Oh, well, we got caught by the Malfoys, but we formulated a careful plan and escaped, then we ran off to Hogwarts and hid there for a while, and um, you and me hooked up, if you know what I mean, then we had this big battle and you defeated Voldemort,"

"Oh, that sounds good, Voldemort gone, did we really hook up?"

"Oh yeah, you know, we where both worried that we might die tomorrow so we confessed our true love to each other,"

"Then how come I remember you and Ron hooking up, and how come i remember Draco actually releasing us?"

"Oh so you do remember!"

"Yes I do, I was just curious to see what you'd say if you were under the influence that I didn't remember anything, by the way, where you trying to get us to hook up?"

"Not really, I've done that on everyone whose woken up memory less, I did it on Draco but he wasn't fooled, then I did it on Sally too, she was confused for about a minute, and the other week there was this humongously fat kid here, I actually had him convinced for about three days, then his girlfriend came to visit,"

"I'm still wondering how a kid as fat and ugly as him could have a girlfriend who wasn't equally fat and ugly,"

"Love and reason have never walked hand in hand,"

"Hey, that's like a Shakespeare quote! I think."

"It's a modifies Shakespeare quote, I can't remember the actual quote, but close enough,"

"That is very un-Hermione-ish," Harry noted.

"Yay!" Sally cheered, "I'm not the only one who invents words,"

"Word inventor, huh?"

"Yeah, I've got a small dictionary going,"

"Cool, I'm going to have to read that sometime, so I can confuse the hell out of anyone I talk too,"

"Good, I'm not the only one who does weird thing with evil intentions,"

At that moment the door burst open and Molly Weasley came rushing in. Harry spent the next hour being fawned over by Fleur Delacour and Molly Weasley. When they finally left Draco was asleep, Hermione was trying to count the threads in her blanket, and Sally was trying to use her "Carrie powers." The healer came in after Mrs. Weasley and Fleur had left.

"Sorry 'bout her," the healer whispered, casting an eye at Sally and Hermione, Hermione who had moved on to counting hairs on her hand, Sally still trying out her "Carrie powers."

"We wanted to move them to the psychiatric ward, but there wasn't enough room," Harry chuckled.

"It's okay, they're quite... amusing," The healer bagan to leave before stopping in the doorway and turning back.

"Does everybody feel alright?" she asked sincerely.

"Do I look alright?" Sally asked, patting her hair down. The healer shook her head and left. Draco, who was still asleep groaned.

"Poor Drakie," Sally cooed.

"Why, what's wrong with him?" Harry asked.

"The germs are winning," Sally whispered.

"I'm not sick!" Draco called. "I'm injured, I've got these stupid enchanted cuts that hurt like hell,"

"Oh stop complaining, it's not like you have an arm off," Hermione told him.

"Yes I do!" Draco replied.

"Yeah Hermione, geeze, forget that he's missing an arm,"

"Well sorry, it's not my fault,"

"I'm bored," Sally said, "I think I'm going to go for a walk," Sally jumped out of her bed and left the room. Everyone stared after her with a dazed look, silence enveloped the room before a large booming voice filled the hall.

"SALLY PERKINS! IF YOU'RE NOT BACK IN BED BY THE TIME I COUNT TO THREE I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!"


End file.
